by Sarah S., your NoVAtions editor
“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”
― Virginia Woolf
I have teenage nieces, and it seems like they start every sentence with “TBH” (To Be Honest). First of all, when are teenagers ever truly honest? Do they even know what rigorous self honesty means? And does this qualifier signify that statements not beginning with “TBH” are lies or half-truths?
I can now say that my disease kept me as a delusional, reactive teenager for most of my life. I lied to myself and others about my eating, the extent of my addictions, my anger, my resentments, my side of the street. I blamed and hid and pointed fingers. Food was a “mean girl” that I both feared and worshipped. I hid behind fat and false candor.
How much of what I tell myself and others today is the full truth? Is the idea “fake it ‘til you make it” helping me toward the honesty and recovery? What am I keeping myself in the dark about, and what do I need in order to shed light on it?